It's noon on a typical Saturday... one of those Saturdays that make me wish this wasn't typical.
Saturdays are demanding. And this Saturday in particular is one in the same. The phone is ringing, the little sleigh bells I put on the doors are jingling merrily as guests arrive, and I still don't have a single guide in the outpost to help contain the crazy, to help direct the crowds.
I feel a bit like sitting on the floor behind my desk so no one can see me.
A customer comes upstairs to alert me to the fact that there's no toilet paper in the bathroom (again), just as the first guide rounds the corner, frustrated because he worked hard and didn't get the tip he thought he'd earned, and I've just about had it.
For someone who struggles with people-pleasing as much as I do, this job has been.... stretching. Between conflicts with customers and disappointed (sometimes whiny) staff members, I feel like I'm not making anyone happy. No one at all.
I just don't have enough.
I know in my head that this feeling isn't unique to this job or to this season of life... we all feel like this from time to time. Whether you're a teacher, parent, computer engineer... I think we all say it on those hard days.
I don't have enough.
I yell in my mind at all these people.
What do you want from me? I can't do everything!
And those words, repeated like a mantra, become my war chant. No more mercy, no more grace- I've given all I have to give.