I'm going through a bin of my "off-season clothes," putting away the bright tank tops and pulling out thick sweaters. As I stock my little closet for the cold months ahead, I pull on a pair of jeans from last year. The fabric stops just short of my hips.
Way too tight.
I avoid looking at the mirror against the wall as I hurry them off, my face flushed even though I'm the only one in the room.
And even though my bedroom is silent, I hear it so clearly-
"If you had been eating better.... avoided that lunch time cookie... spent more time exercising..."
... ... ...
I'm on the phone with a parent who's completely confused in registering his child for Camp. I'm walking him through it when I realize that I made a mistake when setting up the program in our system. That one check box I forgot to click will make it impossible for anyone to register, and I have to start all over again from scratch.
Even though the parent is understanding and accepts my apology with my promise that I'll take care of everything, I hear it in my own mind-
"You have no idea what you're doing... screw up... can't you just pay more attention?... look at the mess you've made..."
... ... ...
My stomach clenches at the red notification on Facebook. I don't really want to read that comment.
I'm simply stating my beliefs, but she's not having it. No, she'd much rather take out her hurts on me, calling me 'ignorant' and insulting my faith. She's passionate about the topic, and so am I. I'm not about to back down... and she isn't, either.
And I hear it-
"Being mean would feel so good... who does she think she is?... call her out.... here's what you could say to insult her right back..."
... ... ...
In Genesis 3, we see the beginning of all evil:
[The serpent] said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:1-4, emphasis mine
Satan didn't really lie to Eve in that garden. If she disobeyed God, if she believed that God was holding back from her, she would know the difference between good and evil.
Eve would gain that knowledge, because she would, for the first time, experience what it was to choose the evil.
Satan didn't lie to Eve. He just led her, in his manipulative way, into a deeper lie- into the question of God's goodness.
It's an old trick, but he's still using it.
All those thoughts of mine? Those deep seated, almost audible whispers? They're not completely lies.
If I took better care of my body, yes, I'd be thinner and healthier. I ate things I knew weren't helpful to healing my body and treating it as a temple, and I failed to care for myself the way I should.
I did make a mistake with the registration system, and yeah, I do mess things up- nearly daily.
I was justified in my anger- this other person was hurting me and sinning against me with her words.
But you know, those truths- the truth of my humanity, of my mistakes, of my fallen-ness- they have no bearing on who I am. I've been bought with a price, and my sins are washed away.
My too-round, too-full belly pales in comparison in the brilliant light of the empty tomb.
The mistakes my hands make are covered by his nail-scarred ones.
The grace and mercy that he freely gave to me - his arms stretched out on the cross- are now mine to extend.
And Satan, with his half-truths and his penchant for making me doubt the love of my Savior, has no power over me. The Price of Lies has already been defeated by my King of Kings. I don't have to listen to those whispers, to those doubts, to the voice that tells me that I'm not enough.
I am enough, because Christ is enough, and he lives in me. My identity is rooted in my Jesus.
Those half-truths, that gray area of just true enough and yet not true at all, are called out for what they really are by the brilliance of Truth.
The serpent's head has been crushed, and the Half-Truth Prince has no power here anymore.
DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging habit, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog. You may see a full disclosure by clicking on my "About" page. I will only promote products that I use, enjoy, or take a shine to. All opinions and reviews are my own and are not influenced by any compensation I may receive.