It was 6:45 pm.
I hadn't eaten supper, it was inexplicably hot in my house, and I was packing. Still.
And, because my husband had to finish up a couple of things while he had equipment available, I was doing it alone.
Moving's never fun, but I'd been in an office alone all day with just a few phone calls to keep me company, and now I was in an empty house alone again.
I carried a heavy box out to the truck, and scooted it across the tailgate... and it broke.
The bottom of the box tore, making it impossible to move the very full box without dumping everything out of it. I'd have to pack it again. Grrr.
Trevor drove by, heading to close up his shop.
"I want you to be done!" I shouted in his direction. "I want you to help me!" And then I launched into everything that had just gone wrong.
He offered several solutions.
I didn't want to hear any of them. After arguing all the ways that his ideas wouldn't work, I finally admitted,
"I just want to be grouchy!"
"I can tell!" he replied, a smile in his tone. Annoying.
Do you ever feel that way? Like you just want to be grouchy? Like being angry somehow feels... good?
And worse, I tend to wallow, letting everything that could possibly put me in a bad mood pile up and weigh me down until I snap at someone. Like my husband.
You know, life doesn't go the way I want it to most of the time. Maybe you can relate.
I don't have a heck of a lot of control over that. Well, okay, I could have used a little more tape or not filled up the box so full, but for the most part, even despite my best effort, there's nothing I can do to make things go my way.
But I can choose my attitude.
I can choose to not let it get to me.
Sometimes, I don't want to make those choices. I want to give in to the bad mood and let those uncontrollable circumstances ruin my day, ruin an experience, and make me bitter, resentful, and crabby.
Being grateful, finding the blessings, and reclaiming the moment... all those things are work. It's not easy. It goes against my nature.
But I also like having an adventure attitude. I like having fun working with my husband. I like singing along to silly songs while I work. I don't want my last memories of this house, of this chapter of our lives, or of this day to be negative ones.
I stopped. I took a deep breath. I said a quick prayer.
I put a smile on my face and stretched a little.
I mentally wiped my slate clean.
Because doing the work of fixing my attitude? I may not always feel like it. But it's always worth it.