Don't Send Doves, or You Are Not Your Wedding

Wading through wedding planning was so overwhelming for me.

It makes me anxious even now, and it’s been years

I got to a point during our engagement when I was just ready to be done, to hand over the binder (yes, I had a wedding planning binder- I’m a type-A personality, what of it?) and let someone else plan my Big Day.

Even the fact that we have nicknames for a wedding day- "Your Big Day," "The Best Day of Our Lives"- puts immense pressure on one twenty-four-hour span of time.

Have you seen that show, “Four Weddings?” (Is that still on? I don't even know.)


Just don’t watch it.

Take my word for it.

I’ll give you a little synopsis so you don’t get curious and go watch it to see what it’s all about. Four lovely ladies attend one another’s weddings, rating each one. The wedding that receives the best score ‘wins,’ and that happy couple gets an All!Expense!Paid! trip to somewhere exotic.

It’s pretty much a show about women bashing one another’s weddings because (gasp) she had a buffet or (gasp) her dress wasn’t the perfect color for her skin tone or (gasp) the invitations didn’t include seven live doves and a waterfall.

You don’t need that.

If you’re anything like me, you watch something like that and think, "That’s so silly. I’ll never be anything like that."

And you won’t, because you’re too pure of heart and kind to say (or even think!) any of the snarky things those brides are saying.

But it gets in your head.

And you start to wonder- if our wedding doesn’t have a live band, will people hate it? Can people really enjoy a wedding where there isn’t any alcohol? Do I need to send live doves and do doves need to eat during the shipping process??

I’m here to tell you. No, yes, and please don’t send doves.

The point is, we can get so critical of ourselves, of our weddings, of this one big day we’re supposed to treasure above all others.

It’s hard not to get wrapped up in the idea that a wedding is the ultimate expression of ourselves.

I wasn't really asking "Will people hate the fact that we have a buffet?"-- the real question I causing my nightmares was, "Will people like me?"

I spent a lot of time concerned that the centerpieces wouldn't be "me." Or that my dress wasn't "me." Or the food- was it "me?"

Honestly, a hamburger is not me. I am not a hamburger. Or a lobster. Or steak. Or seafood option.

You get the point.

Somehow, the wedding turned into the ultimate representation of "me." That I could be contained, packaged up, and presented to the world in an invitation and a chapel and the shoes I chose.

It's just not true.

My identity is not wrapped around my wedding.

My identity is in Christ alone. 

It took a while to realize that I was trying to find myself in my wedding. The women on that snarky TV show weren't critiquing one another's weddings- they were judging one another's identities. And that is so, so wrong.

You and I are called to be, first and foremost, the Bride of Christ. Set apart for God, we live lives that reflect an Him. We are in Christ, not in centerpieces.

And that changed my perspective on my wedding.

The pressure's off.

You don't need to be concerned that a mis-timed first dance will throw your entire self-worth down the tube. A broken heel is not the end of "you" as you know yourself to be.

You know who you are- and you know Whose you are.

Don't let your wedding pull you from that truth.

You are not your wedding. 

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