Anger : what it says about me, and how two questions make all the difference

I found myself breathless as I hung up the phone.

I could hardly believe the words that still echoed in my ears.

I was angry. Very, very angry. 

A simple mistake on my part led to a tongue-lashing that set my heart pounding fast and plummeted me into self-doubt. I choked out some excuse to the office assistant and headed to my husbands office and privacy so I could cry.

And cry I did.

And then, because my husband happened upon his very upset wife when he came back to get a start on his paperwork, I cried and also vented my anger to him in short, loud, furious bursts.

"How dare she say that to me?"

"I just can't do this anymore!"

"How could someone be so inconsiderate?!"

"I'm only human! What do they expect of me!?"

Blessings this Week: 09.16.2016 Edition

I begin our weekly blessings post with a story.

A dog story.

On Saturday, our dog was not acting like his happy self. He was mopey, not terribly excited to see us, eating slowly (not at all typical for him), and he was walking and sitting funny. He got worse as the weekend went on, and by Monday, I was sure we were going to have to put him down.

To the vet we went- and an exam and a painkiller pill later, Bear was back to his happy self.

And now I've been taking seven million pictures of him, reminding him that he's my big handsome boy, taking long walks, and most of all, appreciating all those funny habits of his that make me smile.

Sometimes it takes a storm to really show the beauty of a sunset. (Cheesy, but true.)

Counting blessings is like that. Sometimes, in the hardest seasons, we find the most beauty.

Unnamed Summer : and some news.

Whew.

The leaves are (already) starting to fall, the morning dew is cool on my feet, and my office is strangely quiet.

Summer is over.

Forging a New Trail : being renewed through identity in Christ

We're riding a four-wheeler to the end of our pasture when I see it.

A simple evening ride, relaxing the shoulders, breathing deep, listening to the wind through the long grass that we still haven't bothered to mow. These moments are ones for which I'm trying to make intentional room in the middle of all the busy- eating peaches on the porch, an extra moment to notice how the light spills over the floor, an evening ride with my husband through the land that I'm still a little shy to call "mine."

We turn to head back home, and I notice.

Blessings this Week: 09.09.2016

This week has gone by like... like it included a holiday weekend, no work on Monday, and lots of activity. 

So it went fast. 

And I'm reminded, once again, that life moves quickly and if I focus only on the to-do lists and the plans and crossing out boxes on my calendar, I just might miss the actual "life" part of life. 

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Integrity : living in honesty by clinging to identity

The headlights cut through the dark as we headed home. It was late, but that was okay.

I was still bubbling from the evening.

Energized by the conversation, my extroverted, albeit somewhat socially awkward, self was far from tired, even though it was way past my bedtime. I’d told a funny story at our couples small group, and it brought lots of laughter. Making people laugh, people I didn’t know well, brought me so much happiness. I flung out another silly anecdote, and that one hit home with the group, too.

Now, on the way home, I smiled at the memory of the evening. A successful night.

My husband drove quietly next to me, and in the light of a passing car, I saw his expression. He was unhappy.

But why? We’d just had so much fun! What could he possibly be upset about?

“What’s wrong?” I asked, almost put out that he was spoiling a nice night.

He recounted one of the funny stories I’d told, adding, “But I didn’t say that. You lied. And it wasn’t nearly that dramatic. Why did you lie about it?”

Blessings this Week: 09.02.2016

And just like that, September rolls in and marks the easing into Fall.

These transition times can force us into a noticing again. Suddenly I'm reminded that the summer is waning and the days are getting shorter and I'd better find the summertime blessings before they're gone.

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